Sometimes it can be hard to tell who really loves and cares about us.
We might even agonize over this, pouring over cryptic texts and going over memories in our minds with a fine-tooth comb to find evidence one way or the other.
Especially when we have trouble seeing the immense value we bring to the table, it can make this process even more infuriating since it’s difficult for us to know what we’re allowed to expect from others.
If this sounds like you, I want to give you some no-nonsense tips to know with unshakeable certainty who’s in your corner.
1. They speak your love language
I like to say there’s love the feeling and there’s love the action
Some people in our lives genuinely feel emotions of love toward us, but they have limitations that make it impossible or nearly impossible for them to show it in a way that translates to us feeling loved.
Someone who really cares about you is going to find what makes you feel loved and show up to that place in an action-based way.
2. They love things about you that you’re not so sure of
If you’re someone who tends to be hard on yourself, you might struggle to see what’s so special about you, particularly when you’re not actively trying to be likable.
People who love you for realzies will notice and totally dig qualities about you that others in the past (and maybe even you) have seen as cons.
Whether it’s the way you excitedly ramble when you’re really passionate about something, your quirky sense of humor, how meticulously you organize your kitchen, your “too loud” laugh, how you wear your emotions on your sleeve, or something else…
They get it. They love it. They’re friggin’ here for it.
3. They give you the benefit of the doubt
What does it mean to be given the benefit of the doubt?
Well, have you ever tried to build a relationship (romantic or otherwise) with someone who seemed to misinterpret your words or project their past traumas on you so much that you found yourself walking on eggshells whenever you were around them?
Being given the benefit of the doubt is like the opposite of that.
It’s choosing to believe someone has positive intentions instead of jumping to conclusions.
So, even if you do say or do something that feels out of line to them, someone who really cares about you will either let it go on the spot or ask for clarity: “Hey, when you said/did [blank], what did you mean by that?”
It comes from a place of seeking to rectify misunderstandings and to prioritize your connection rather than being critical or defensive.
4. They give you the most valuable gift any of us has to offer: their attention
In a busy, fast paced world full of distractions, nothing conveys love and care like being given someone’s full and undivided attention.
If you only remember one thing from today, let it be this!
Because this is something that cannot be faked.
If you’ve ever had a conversation with someone who 1) stayed quiet while you finished speaking but really seemed like they were just waiting for their turn to talk, 2) were clearly distracted, or 3) actually spoke over you when you tried to share, then you know what I’m talking about!
Just as we can feel a total lack of someone’s attention, we can also feel when someone is creating space for us as they actively listen with interest and without judgment.
And it’s probably the number one sign someone cares about us in an action-based way.
In closing
I hope this list has given you a lot to think about and notice this week.
Remember that you deserve to have people in your life who genuinely make you feel special, heard, seen, understood, and loved!
Next week, we’ll go into a few more ways to tell when someone is totally Team-You.
