Have you ever found yourself taken over by an emotional response that seems to come out of nowhere?
That there would be a sign you’re triggered.
Our triggers are automatic emotional responses connected to a past memory or experience.
And they can be dastardly, wreaking havoc in our personal lives and sometimes increasing in severity if they go unchecked.
Examples of emotional triggers:
- Someone blaming or shaming you
- Someone criticizing or judging you
- Someone being unavailable or too busy to talk to you
- Anger
- People with a victim mentality
- The silent treatment
- Sarcasm
- Feeling left in the dark
- Rejection
- Abandonment
- Feeling smothered
- Manipulation
- Someone trying to control you
- And the list goes on and on and on!
Our emotional triggers are as varied as we are, so try to identify when you seem to respond from emotion in a way that is more extreme than the situation calls for.
How did I end up with these emotional triggers?
Another term for emotional triggers is body memories.
There’s research that shows our bodies hold onto our memories, thoughts, and experiences down to a cellular level.
And although we can develop triggers at any time, a significant percentage of them often come from childhood.
This is because as children, we are usually unable to 1) make sense of the experience we’re having, 2) stand up for ourselves, and 3) navigate powerful emotions.
So, as adults, we’re often thrown back into the same helpless feeling we had as children.
When this response is triggered, we often feel intense negative emotions like fear, anger, sadness, or anxiety.
How do I know if I’m triggered?
The key to identifying if you’re experiencing an emotional trigger is to look at the situation objectively at first and notice if your response seems to be proportional to the circumstances.
For example, if you strongly dislike being late or others being late, that could be a preference that comes with your personality.
You might get worked up over it and feel annoyed, but that could make sense if you’re just a very type A person.
If, however, someone is late and you find yourself slumped in a corner crying, having a panic attack, or yelling at them over the phone, this would be an example of an emotional trigger.
What do I do when I’m triggered?
Once you identify your body memories (emotional triggers), try to catch them in the moment.
If an exact memory comes up for you and you’re aware of the cause of this trigger, then great! Take it from there.
If no memory comes up, ask yourself how old you feel in this moment.
Your body will usually tell you an age if you sit with the feeling, and it can be surprisingly accurate.
If that age is from childhood, try to dis-identify from the feeling itself for a moment (or you’ll be so submerged, you won’t be able to see things clearly) and see it as an experience that happened to a little kiddo.
How would you talk to a child feeling the way you’re feeling?
By responding lovingly to this little version of you, you’re practicing self parenting which is incredibly healing.
When we approach ourselves as we would a friend or a kiddo, we start to build trust within ourselves that calms our emotional triggers.
We start to believe we can tend to ourselves when we’re going through something difficult.
This makes us better partners, better parents, better friends, and just better people all around.
It decreases stressors and anxiety while building our confidence and our communication skills.
NICE!
So, try to be kind to yourself this week, especially if you are triggered.
They will start to lessen over time with patience and practice, helping you show up in your life the way you want to!
