I feel like most of us think we’ve got a pretty good handle on not caring about the opinions of others.
It’s a tricky subject, though.
Sometimes we still care what CERTAIN people think even if we do well with others.
It can come from strangers, people at work, friends, family, and/or society. We feel judgment for the way we are and a pressure to conform, whether or not we then attempt to.
Why is that?
As humans, we have a core need to belong.
Prioritizing what people think of us has this very positive intention of keeping us close to others which was vital to survival for so much of our existence.
A few thousand years ago, not belonging could have resulted in being ostracized and having your survival threatened, so it makes sense that our brains would be wired this way from a biological standpoint.
These days, “not belonging” is not quite the life and death situation it might have been back in the day, but it’s still a very real threat to our wellbeing since relationships are such a huge part of our lives.
As I was journaling the other day, I realized that I grew up as someone who would have cut off her left pinky to feel accepted and liked by someone.
But I’m not concerned with it much anymore.
I wondered why that was, and it occurred to me:
It’s not that I magically stopped caring how I was perceived by others or the potential judgments I would experience.
It’s that I stopped judging myself.
I don’t care nearly as much what the voices in my head say or think, and that’s led to my not caring nearly as much what others say or think.
What we subconsciously (or sometimes consciously) think about ourselves and what we experience from others are directly correlated.
Sometimes those voices still pop up for me and MAN, they are not kind.
But they’re much quieter than they used to be, and that makes them much easier to dismiss.
The judgments in our heads about ourselves were almost CERTAINLY learned from another person somewhere along the way.
And they’re all bullshit!
As a coach, I noticed I could meet with people in the most grueling circumstances and life situations and I didn’t feel an ounce of judgment – only compassion.
Why?
Because…
- I learned very quickly through coaching others that we all have more things in common with each other than we have differences.
- I saw that for every crappy situation my clients found themselves in, there was always an excellent reason for it that could be traced back to a limiting belief about themselves or the world
- And I knew no matter what they were experiencing, their worth was never even remotely in question.
After a while, I started to apply those principles to myself without even realizing it.
Lo and behold, the voices in my head hurling judgments and accusations at me have faded into the background considerably.
Simply put, if you stop caring what YOU think about you, you’ll stop caring what OTHERS think about you.
(I feel like it’s important to note that the “you” who is making these judgments is not actually you at all, but a collection of people from the past who have made you feel wrong for being yourself. More on this in future emails!)
The biggest threat to our personal development and happiness is giving those voices in our minds a microphone, when what they really need is a mute button.
So, I invite you to ask yourself: How would your life be different if you stopped listening to the judgments of others, including the ones in your own head?
You’re a badass.
You’re a rockstar.
You got this.
