When we are on the anxiously attached side, meaning we have a secure view of other people but a more negative view of ourselves, we almost always fear rejection on a deep level.
We’re also afraid of being excluded, disconnected, disliked, and even abandoned.
You could reprogram these core wounds one at a time, but rejection is at the core of all of these, so by reprogramming it first, you will greatly reduce the other triggers as well!
Let’s see if this is gonna be a needle mover for you.
Is This the Right Core Wound for You to Reprogram?
Those with a high “I will be rejected” core wound often:
– Try to prove themselves to others
– Reject/disqualify themselves
– People-please
– Try to “earn love“
– “Test” others to see if they really care
– Analyze social interactions with a fine-tooth comb
– Are far too agreeable
If this sounds like you, let’s keep going!
Reprogramming “I Will Be Rejected”
Now that we know the core wound (step 1), let’s find its opposite (step 2).
I have a specific way I like to do this one that I find to be all-encompassing when it comes to the different facets of rejection, but I want you to give yourself total permission to find what’s right for you here.
As always, this is about taking what you need and leaving what you don’t!
My suggestion is to use the sentence starter, “My presence was welcome when:”
The reason I suggest “welcome” is because it implies so many things; when we are truly welcomed into a space, we experience belonging and connection, being wanted, being accepted, and being included all at once.
Note: A helpful strategy with this one is to 1) look for times you were welcomed when you were truly being yourself (as opposed to when you were people-pleasing or over-extending) and 2) include times you welcomed your own presence.
What we want to prove to your subconscious mind is that when you’re being yourself, you’re always acceptable.
Let’s see what that looks like in the format of our reprogramming exercise!
“My presence was welcome when:”
- I came home from work yesterday and my dog was so happy to see me
- I reached out to a friend and he said he’s been thinking about me, too
- I shared my feelings and opinions with my partner
- I met a friend for coffee last week
- I spent time with myself in meditation this morning
- I belted my guts out to a song in the car (welcoming my own presence)
- I went to see my grandma two weeks ago
- My best friend in elementary school used to always save a seat for me at lunch
- I joked around with my coworkers last week
- I told a funny story to a friend and she loved the way I acted it out
As always, you can list 10-15 memories from the last 24 hours, the last week, or from any time in your life.
Be specific with these memories rather than vague so that you get a picture in your mind of the moment and you receive a jolt of positive energy.
Results:
To get relief from the fear of rejection, abandonment, exclusion, disconnection, and being disliked, try this exercise every day for 3 weeks.
To completely transform your confidence and empowerment levels, keep going for 6 more weeks for a total of 63 days.
Bonus: if you keep noticing where your authentic presence is welcome, it will bring a special kind of clarity, because the truth is, rejection basically only comes in two forms:
Either we are rejected because we weren’t showing up as our authentic self,
…or we are rejected because we are hanging out with a type of person it would behoove us to avoid in the future.
