As humans longing to show up as our best, authentic selves and to make an impact on the world, feeling like we don’t matter can be the biggest gut punch of all.
A trigger like this can snatch the wind out of our sails and have us wondering, “why do I even bother?”
So, let’s dive right in and see if this is a trigger for you!
Is This the Right Core Wound for You to Reprogram?
Those with a high “I don’t matter” core wound often:
– Fear they are “extra” or “annoying” to others, especially when they need something
– Over-give and over-commit, then get triggered if their acts go unacknowledged
– Spiral into thoughts like, “no one cares about me”
– Create distance with others out of hurt and anger when they start to feel invisible
– Play small
– Can be spiteful when triggered. Ex: “I want to make them feel how I feel”
– Return to feelings of hurt and irritation in their relationships
We can see from that list how serious a core wound like, “I don’t matter” really is!
It can cause a lot of damage to relationships and friendships if it continues to plague us.
So, let’s do something about it together.
Reprogramming, “I Don’t Matter”
Now that we’ve discovered the core wound (step 1), it’s time to find its opposite (step 2).
We can go with the classic sentence starter, “I mattered when” as the opposite of this core wound, or we can try something a little more comprehensive.
I like, “I made an impact when” since it covers a lot of bases.
Let’s try it together in our reprogramming format.
Note: I encourage you to look for times that you made an impact on someone else AND times you made an impact on our own life.
The latter is especially effective since you are the sole authority on what’s impactful for you, and no one (not even some dastardly Inner Critic) can dispute the evidence!
I made an impact when:
- I listened to a friend about her breakup
- I chose to do yoga rather than scrolling social media, positively impacting my day
- I spent 20 minutes playing with my pet, improving both of our days
- I communicated with my partner instead of shutting down, allowing us to resolve a conflict
- I helped a friend with a fundraiser
- I packed a yummy lunch for my kiddo
- I organized my desk, brightening my mood
- I sent an encouraging message to an acquaintance of mine
- I showed up early to a meeting and helped set up
- I told a friend 3 things I love about him
Now, whether others see these things or acknowledge them is irrelevant; if YOU see them as the impact they are and YOU celebrate that, your brain will start to get on board with the truth:
YOU MATTER, DAMMIT!
As always, be specific with these memories that have occurred at any point in your life and pay attention to the resonance that occurs in your body as you acknowledge your impact.
Results:
Finish this sentence starter with 10-15 pieces of evidence every day for 3 weeks to see your “I don’t matter” trigger lose intensity.
Continue for 63 days to see a total transformation in this area of your life:
– More energy
– Peace and clarity
– More closeness and ease in your relationships
– Increased authenticity, confidence, and empowerment
– Awareness of the goodness in you
– Momentum in your degree of positive impact on yourself and the world
If these are things you’d like to experience, give reprogramming a shot and let me know how it changes your life!
