How to Reprogram, “I Will Be Abandoned”

Since the concept of abandonment is so open to interpretation, let’s begin by clarifying it.

 

Abandonment is often about being blindsided by a loved one leaving us in some way, whether that be a parent, partner, or friend.

 

They may leave us physically, emotionally abandon us, break up with us, decide they don’t want to be friends anymore, etc. which leaves us in a state we are hardwired to avoid: feeling disconnected, unloved, and alone.

 

And since being all alone basically equaled death for thousands of years, it can still be a terrifying and deeply painful experience.

 

Historically, the only way to manage abandonment issues was through a combination of therapy, medication, and self care habits.

 

While those things can be awesome and are still options to us, we know now that perhaps the fastest, most effective needle mover is actually to reprogram the subconscious mind. 

 

Is This the Right Core Wound for You to Reprogram?

 

People with a high “I will be abandoned/alone” core wound often:

 

• Feel unwanted by others

• Spend a lot of time thinking about their perceived social mistakes

• Say things like, “This person is better/smarter/more attractive than me”

• Fear someone is going to leave them

• Try to get very close very quickly in relationships

• People-Please

• Abandon their own needs, feelings, and boundaries

• Strongly dislike spending time with themselves

 

If that feels like looking in a mirror, let’s get started!

 

Reprogramming, “I Will Be Abandoned/Alone”

 

We’ve got step one down since we know the core wound itself.

 

Now let’s find the opposite of this statement (step 2).

 

It could be a lot of things, so I want to encourage you to explore this for yourself.

 

You might find that the opposite of abandonment for you is feeling connected, treasured, or emotionally safe.

 

For our purposes today, we’re going to try “supported” as the opposite of abandoned since it implies effort, trustworthiness, and reciprocity in another person.

 

As always, look for where you supported yourself as well as where others supported you as you finish this sentence starter.

 

I was supported when (examples):

 

1. My partner did the dishes without being asked

2. My friend listened to me talk about the hard day I had last week

3. I took the day off of chores so I could practice some much needed self care (supporting of self)

4. My friend helped me organize a birthday party

5. My coworker helped me catch up some tasks at work yesterday

6. My partner celebrated with me when I experienced a powerful breakthrough today

7. I put on some music and took a bath to destress (support of self)

8. My coworker brought me coffee because she heard me say I was tired

9. My partner offered to help plan and cook dinner

10. My friend sent a text to ask me how I’m doing

 

Reminders: List 10-15 pieces of evidence every day that show times in the past when you were supported and keep them in the past tense (I WAS supported) so your brain gets an image of the memory sent right to it, reprogramming the subconscious mind even more efficiently.

 

Results

 

You can expect fears of abandonment to decrease significantly after 21 days of practice.

 

Keep chugging along for 63 days to get results like these in your relationships:

 

• Increased trust

• Greater levels of peace and satisfaction

• Decreased over-thinking and rumination

• Less people-pleasing

• More room for playfulness, fun, and joy

 

Living under a cloud of potential abandonment can be crazy-making for you and also for the ones you love.

 

Let’s get this sucker reprogrammed so you can rest in your authenticity!