Being able to name and process our emotions is a powerful and life changing skill.
And if we didn’t learn how to process them as children, we’re unlikely to pick it up later in life unless we intentionally do so.
Emotional categories
Psychologist and researcher Paul Ekmans created a handy dandy atlas of emotions to simplify this process.
The 5 categories are:
- Anger
- Fear
- Sadness
- Disgust
- Enjoyment
Since processing emotions is so crucial to mental and physical health, let’s break it down and just talk about one of them today: anger.
How do I know if I’m angry?
Anger has a feeling range from frustrated and annoyed to absolutely furious and filled with rage.
Anything along that scale indicates some level of anger.
Sometimes when it’s on that lower level, we don’t even notice it!
So, it’s important to categorize any level of anger by naming it which will allow you to start processing it.
If it’s difficult to know what you’re feeling, check in with your body.
Anger lives in our chest, arms, hands, and head.
It increases our blood pressure and heart rate as it heats up the body, sometimes even causing perspiration.
If you notice these sensations, anger is likely at least part of what you’re experiencing.
What happens if I don’t process my anger?
Though it’s a big no-no to keep our anger bottled up, we do it anyway sometimes when we’re either unaware of its presence within us or it feels like expressing it would be unwise or dangerous.
Not only is keeping anger and resentment inside us likely to lead to blowing up on someone who may or may not have it coming, it also leads to emotional and physical distress such as:
- Weakening the immune system
- Increasing our risk of heart attack and stroke
- Upping (or causing) anxiety and depression
Positive intention of anger
As we know, every single one of our behaviors and emotions has a positive intention for us.
The problem is that these positive intentions are not always well informed, so they end up doing more harm than good.
At its core, anger is designed to motivate us to take action.
It increases energy and lets us know when we’re not being treated fairly.
Anger protects us and promotes survival.
How do I process anger?
As almost all of my clients know, my absolute favorite way to process anger is with this quick, effective exercise.
Anger Exercise:
Step 1:
Get to a private place where you can be as loud as you need to be.
And by “private,” I mean you could scream your head off and no one would call the feds.
Step 2:
If there’s a specific person you’re angry with, picture them or look at a picture of them.
If there’s more than one person, start with the one at whom you feel the angriest.
Step 3:
Feel the anger in your body and let it get as big as it wants to get.
Step 4:
Let your anger say OUT LOUD everything it wants to say to this person like they’re standing in front of you until you feel the emotion subside and you start to run out of things to say.
It may take a few minutes.
Step 5:
Check in with your body and notice how you feel.
If the anger has exited the premises so to speak, you’ll feel lighter and clearer.
Note: With this particular exercise, you might be shocked at the things you’re saying. The trick is to avoid identifying with the emotion; this is not YOU talking. This is your ANGER talking.
So, give it some room and let it speak.
Otherwise, it will stay in your body.
Results of processing anger
If you make this a regular practice when anger starts to build up, you will improve your health emotionally, mentally, and physically.
You’ll also improve your relationships by being a calmer, more regulated version of yourself.
Next week, we’re going to talk about how to process sadness!
