Sometimes when it comes to getting unstuck, our focus is on what we want.
As we know, that’s an important part of creating the life of your dreams!
Equally important is the idea of moving on from what’s NOT working since we can’t have a new experience of life until we’ve released our old one.
It was Shakespeare who said “Parting is such sweet sorrow.”
Well, it was Juliet via Shakespeare, but you get the picture!
Mitch Albom said it this way, “In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.”
And my all time favorite “moving on” quote comes from literary figure, Anais Nin: “And then the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
If you find yourself on a precipice as you read this, I hope the following suggestions encourage and inspire you!
1. Look at things objectively
We can get so caught up in the details of our situations that it can be difficult to see the forest for the trees!
The first step to move on is to take a step back and look at the situation objectively.
I can’t tell you how many times a client has given me the whole story of their situation and when I repeat it back, clarity immediately follows for them.
Once we look at the facts, including the way the situation has us feeling and the ultimate ramifications of staying stuck, it loosens the threads on our present state.
The truth is that there is not only a cost to our actions – there is a cost of inaction as well, and sometimes that price is MUCH higher.
So, take an objective look at where you are now.
What sticks out to you?
2. Get clarity by processing your emotions
Confession: I am an emotion processing fiend.
After spending the first few decades of my life suppressing and resenting my emotions, I now see them as a superpower.
Emotions don’t pop up for no reason.
Ever.
In fact, they always have important messages for us that lead to clarity.
And when we are acquainted deeply with our emotions and their positive intentions for us, it makes empowered action SO much easier.
Some feelings are simpler to process than others, and as you practice, you’ll begin to find what works for you.
The first step to processing emotion is to FEEL where it’s located in your body.
If you Google search “map of emotions in the body,” it will give you tons of results for where emotions live once they’re activated.
This is a great place to start since it can help you identify what you’re feeling in the first place!
Once you’ve identified the emotion and become familiar with the way it feels, simply ask the emotion what message it has for you.
Our bodies have an absolutely amazing amount of wisdom in them.
They know what we need pretty much at all times, and they often share this information with us through emotions.
You may need a third party to help talk you through this part.
You can also try journaling and/or meditating on the emotion to see what comes up.
If this sounds like woo woo nonsense (it absolutely did to me at first), give it a try! You might be surprised by what you find out.
3. Challenge your constructsOften, when we’re having trouble moving on from a situation we know is no good for us, it’s because we’re holding on to too many things.
We throw words and phrases around like, “right,” “wrong,” “can’t,” and “have to.”
The truth is that transformation is a constant process of letting go.
More than any idea or suggestion I could POSSIBLY give you, this is the one to remember.
Picture your life in a year, 5 years, or even 10 years.
You’re happy.
You’re fulfilled.
Things are going swimmingly and you have the tools to continue to expand as new challenges arise.
What would you have to let go of to have that life?
The more stuck you feel, the longer that list probably is.
By seeing all the things you’d have to let go of, you can begin to dismantle them one by one.
I’ve seen it again and again with myself and with clients.
As we take down each item on that list, it frees us to have what we want and to be the person we want to be.
4. Reach Necessary Hopelessness
The concept of Necessary Hopelessness comes from clinical psychologist and author, Dr. Henry Cloud.
Basically, it’s taking a hard look at your situation and asking yourself realistically if it’s likely to change on its own.
What evidence can you see that would indicate change in the future?
If there is none, let it lead you to the necessary hopelessness that is required for moving on.
This is particularly essential where relationships are concerned.
If we’re waiting on someone else to change, we could be waiting several lifetimes.
Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves and others is to look at things the way they are and to accept that the situation is out of our control.
Then, moving on might actually feel possible, attainable, and even inevitable.
5. Set up accountability
Lastly, I want to touch on accountability.
According to a study performed by the American Society of Training and Development, we are 95% percent more likely to stick to and complete our goals if we set up direct accountability to a third party.
95%, y’all.
That is game changing!
You can drastically increase the likelihood of your success by telling someone about how you want to move on and asking them to hold you accountable.
So, be it a friend, family member, therapist, or coach, set it up!
I wholeheartedly believe in you.
I believe in your dreams and your ability to live them out.
And I believe that the reality you’re living for is waiting for you.
