We all have our own unique needs.
Some of them are easy to tend to while others constantly elude us, leaving us with a bottomless pit that never seems to be filled.
If that resonates with you, read on for some insights on needs so you can become an expert on your own!
Four Quadrants of Needs
There are four components that have to be in place for a need to be safely and consistently met.
They are: 1) knowing your needs, 2) being able to meet your own needs, 3) being able to communicate your needs, and 4) being able to receive your needs.
Let’s break it down!
Knowing Your Needs
My favorite way to identify unmet needs is to ask, “What do I want more of in my life?”
It’s super easy to look through our lives and notice what we’d like LESS of, but that doesn’t tell us anything about what we’re actually needing.
I encourage you to spend some time on this and to look for things you always seem to want a little more of.
If you still need additional insight after you’ve given this a go on your own, check out this universal needs list and see if there are any other needs you’re missing.
Make a list of your top 15 as well as your top 5 so you can easily reference them.
Meeting Your Own Needs
Once you know your needs, it’s time to figure out strategies to meet them yourself.
When we rely solely on others to meet our needs, there are inevitably going to be times when they’re not capable of doing so which can make us feel powerless and alone.
Finding strategies to meet your own needs ensures that they’ll continue to be met even if you’re on your own for a while.
It also creates security, trust, and emotional connection in your relationships since you’ll no longer fall into a place of resentment, agitation, or rejection if your loved one is unavailable.
To find some strategies to meet your own needs, be specific about what you would do to meet each need if you were by yourself.
Also take some time to look at how to meet these needs with people outside of your inner circle.
Communicating Your Needs
Sometimes we can expect those closest to us to just know our needs, especially if we’re hypervigilant about noticing the needs of others.
But not only is it important to communicate what you’re needing, it’s equally as important to be specific about what that looks like for you as the unique and magical human you are.
For example, if I have a high need for approval and I communicate that to someone, it’s imperative that I specify what approval looks like to me.
Being Able to Receive Your Needs
This one is a doozy, and it’s where I’ve noticed the most friction with keeping needs met in relationships.
Let’s go back to the example of approval as a top need.
I can know that’s a need of mine and communicate it all I want, but if I have a block in receiving it (it will usually be a limiting belief along the lines of “I don’t deserve it” or “people who need X are cringey, bad, weak, etc), it will stay a bottomless pit.
So, to receive our needs, we have to find and remove any and all blocks.
I hope this has given you some insights on your own needs and potentially even the needs of those close to you!
A special thanks to Thais Gibson and Integrative Attachment Theory for the information on the 4 quadrants of needs.
