We all have goals, and on our journeys toward them, sometimes we get stuck.
This is where a little advice can come in handy.
We’re living in a world where we can Google just about anything, and some of what we find with that method can be helpful indeed!
What’s available online isn’t usually tailored to us and our unique situations, though, and that can be troublesome.
We also tend to receive a lot of advice from friends and family (whether we want it or not, right?).
One of the problems with that approach is that generally, people who are close to us can be biased.
Also a bummer.
So, let’s discuss some options that are more likely to get you the personalized, unbiased advice you’re craving!
1. Get it from YOU!
I believe this to be the ultimate advice source since every answer you’re looking for is already within you.
It can take some effort to tap into, but it’s worth it.
How does one start to get answers from themselves?
The best way is to build your intuition, which can be done by practicing three things:
Journaling, mindfulness, and meditation.
Next week, I’ll talk more in depth about each of these.
For now, we can broaden them.
- Journaling can look like putting pen to paper for a few minutes and writing about whatever comes up for you.
- You can practice mindfulness by paying greater attention to anything related to your five senses.
- Meditation can be spending 5 minutes a day focusing on your breathing and the sensations in your body.
As we build our intuition, our “gut instincts” become much clearer which increases our confidence as well as our follow-through and… WELL HELLO, PROGRESS!!!
Give this one a shot if you’re already fairly in tune with yourself.
2. Verbally process with another person
Sometimes we don’t need ADVICE, per se. We just need someone to listen to us (without interrupting, damn it!) and let us feel through our thoughts and emotions.
If you’re a verbal processor like me, chances are you can get some terrific ideas just by talking about your options and obstacles out loud.
You may not even need the other person’s input, just their presence.
If this resonates with you, try to find someone who’s an attuned listener and let them know you need a sounding board for a little while.
Usually when we listen to someone else’s story, we have our own thoughts and ideas, so it can be helpful to let your listening partner know ahead of time you probably won’t need advice.
You can even offer to return the favor if that’s something that would feel good for both of you.
3. Ask someone who has what you want
This was a BIG one for me.
At some point in my own journey, I noticed the advice I was getting was from people who didn’t have what I wanted in the first place.
For example, it’s usually no good to get:
- Financial advice from someone who compulsively spends beyond their means
- Relationship advice from someone who is miserable with their partner
- Career advice from someone working in a field/position they can’t stand
- Mental health advice from someone who has an extremely negative self view, etc.
That brings me to my favorite rule of thumb that was the most transformational for me:
I stopped taking advice from unhappy people.
It can make us feel understood to talk to someone who’s in the same crappy place in which we currently find ourselves, but that can actually cement us deeper into discouragement.
“You’re stuck, too!? Sweet! With our excuses combined, we can stay here even longer! At least we’re not alone!”
I’ve been there, OH so many times.
I know from experience it’s a yucky feeling when the conversation is over and you’re even more disempowered than you were before it started.
So, look for someone who has the kind of success you want, or someone who is AT LEAST genuinely happy with their life.
That way, you’ll leave the conversation feeling better than when you started.
4. Ask for someone to look for your blindspots instead of giving advice
When we’re stuck, there’s ALWAYS an excellent reason for it.
And in my first year of coaching, I noticed two distinct ways my clients approach their goals.
The first type uses those excellent reasons I mentioned to STAY stuck.
“Here’s why I can’t do this. Here’s why it’s impossible for me.”
That SUCKS, because mindset is 98% of the battle.
The second type sees their obstacles as a jumping off point and immediately asks,
“What can I do to get past this? What am I not seeing that a third party can see?”
That’s a much more empowered approach, and my clients who use it get tremendously better results.
When we’re in the thick of our problems, it can be hard to see the forest for the trees.
A third party can often see without much effort some of the things we’re missing.
So, try to find a trustworthy person who’s willing to take a look at the whole picture with you and help you locate your blindspots.
I hope this helps you to find the right advice for you, and that it leads to more joy and empowerment in your life.
