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How to Build Confidence

How To’s designed to get you unstuck and pull you into alignment with your highest self.

When I meet with clients for our first session, I ask them about two things:

“What are your goals?”


“How would you like to FEEL in the future?”

One of the things I’ve noticed is that for the overwhelming majority of people, “confidence” is mentioned in one or both of their answers.

With so much importance placed on confidence, I want to give you some of my favorite tips for increasing it!

1. Physically take up space

The way we hold our bodies not only speaks volumes to others about our level of confidence, it greatly impacts how confident we feel.

Our hormones can vary greatly based on what position we put our bodies into.

Researcher Amy Cuddy of Harvard university has performed studies that showed testosterone (which makes us feel more confident) rose when participants stood or sat in expansive poses for just two minutes.

It also decreased cortisol, the stress hormone.

So, if you need some confidence in a pinch, try one of these poses:

  • Stand in a wide stance, spine tall and shoulders back with your arms at your sides
  • Stand with your arms in a V over your head (the universal sign of victory!)
  • Sit or stand with your arms crossed behind your head
  • Stand up straight with your hands on your hips (come through, Wonder Woman!)

One of the most watched TedTalks of all time goes over this in great detail, and the link is listed below if you haven’t seen it!

2. Emotionally take up space

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

I love talking about taking up space.

As I’ve said before, it was probably the hardest, most foreign concept for me to grasp.

My people pleasing nature told me it was an either-or situation; either I could have space or someone else could.

But that’s just a load of crap!

Because I’m not referring to letting our egos take up space.

Being confident is not based upon being the funniest, the most knowledgeable, the loudest, the most opinionated, or upon tooting our own horns and speaking primarily of our own accolades.

I’m sure you know people who fit that description, and that ain’t confidence!

Taking up space is about honoring and accepting your present state.

No matter how well someone else accepts you, you must accept yourself as well or it won’t do a lick of good long term.

When we are gentle and compassionate with ourselves, we start to shine a little brighter, which allows us to feel more confident than ever!!

As an additional perk to building confidence, once we get better at being nice to ourselves and accepting whatever we are experiencing, it is WAY easier to extend that to others.

That’s one heck of a bonus!

3. Spruce up your outsides

The way we view ourselves physically is deeply linked with confidence and self worth.

And while that absoLUTELY does not mean you have to meet some insane, unattainable standard created by society, making sure you feel good in your skin is one surefire way to increase your confidence.

I’m all about showing up as your most authentic self in every situation, and there are ways to do that with your physical appearance that are gentle and empowering.

Some ideas of things to try (and only if they feel exciting to you!):

  • Try a new hairstyle or haircut. Find something that suits you and shows off your personality.
  • Buy some nice socks and underwear. I kid you not, if you look up “wearing new underwear to increase confidence,” it’s a thing. Even if no one ever knows you made the switch, it can give you a lil pep in yo’ step that will affect how you are perceived by yourself and others.
  • Ask the people close to you what their favorite feature of yours is. Although this one is a bit abstract, realizing what you’re already working with can be a major confidence boost. It may even inspire you to dress that feature up a little (with new glasses, a watch, jewelry, by getting your teeth cleaned or by actually using those hair products in your bathroom, etc.) so you feel great showing it off!

4. Have some wild YOU time!

I realized a few years ago that I subconsciously held back part of myself from every single activity I did in life, even when I was alone.

And why the hell did I do that?

“Because what if I commit to this moment 100% and then I fail? Or I feel stupid? Or I find out definitively that I’m a sack of crap?”

The belief was that if I didn’t give anything my all, there was no chance of true failure.

In reality, it just guaranteed me a small, fun-less existence filled with regrets.

With that realization painfully clear to me, I made a decision to start investing myself fully into moments without holding anything back.

Alone, of course.

Because we all gotta start somewhere!

Fortunately, once you know how to do something, it can translate to every other area of your life.

If any of that resonates with you, here are some ideas of things you can do when you’re alone that will work the muscle of going for it so you can become a pro!:

  • Have a dance party in your living room (or your car, or your basement, or your backyard, or on a hilltop like Julie Andrews) and GO FOR IT! You’re alone, so there’s no need to hold back, right?!
  • Sing a favorite song with your whole body at the top of your lungs. Again, invest in it 100%!
  • Give a speech or your own TedTalk to your pet (or the mirror, or the wall!) on a topic you feel passionately about.
  • Record a video of yourself doing any of the above. And yes, you can immediately delete it if you want to!
  • Feel your feelings. If you’re experiencing a powerful emotion, lean into it by finding a song, movie, book, or other activity that helps you express it.
  • Do anything you would feel conspicuous about doing in public and make it a celebration by letting go of everything else for a few precious moments.

I know some of these might sound silly and believe me, they FELT silly.

They also increased my confidence, joy, fun, laughter, and self acceptance!

5. Keep awareness around your progress

I can’t stress enough how key awareness is to confidence.

If you decide to try only one thing from this list today, go with this one.

When we lack confidence, it’s because we’re not seeing how ridiculously badass we already are.

There’s always a reason we’re our harshest critics.

Whatever your reason is, one of the ways to instantly cut through it is to look at how far you’ve come.

Anyone else ever get reminders from Facebook of something you posted 10 or 15 years ago that now makes you physically cringe?

That represents progress, baby!

When we remind ourselves of the lessons we’ve learned and how much we’ve grown, it gives us momentum to keep at it.

So, keep track of your wins for a confidence infusion that’s at your disposal any time you need it.

Let me know what your favorite confidence booster is, whether it’s on this list or not!

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